I Love You Day
Happy Valentines Day to all you parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles, and other important people in a child’s “village”!
One of my favorite things to teach my family-science grad students is the concept of attachment. This technical term is quite actually simple. Attachment refers to the beautiful “dance” that parents do with their baby or young child that promotes a strong bond. According to Siegel and Hartzell, “This security empowers them to go from our secure home base – our safe haven – and explore the world as they use us as a solid launching pad”.
Here are a few examples of attachment-promoting behaviors:
· Respond to your child’s distress and provide comfort. An example of this is picking up crying baby. Crying is baby’s way of communicating that they need something. It may be a diaper change or a feeding or sometimes they just need to be held (it’s a myth that you can spoil a baby…)
· Remain attuned to baby’s cues. Get to know your unique child and respond in turn – e.g. picking up a scowling infant before he starts to cry.
· Hold baby in your arms and gaze at each other. Whether by bottle or breast, feeding baby is an ideal time for bonding. Babies can see 8-15” away which is about the distance from your cradled arms to your face.
· Try kangaroo care. This is a fun technique that was initially popular with preemies but works well with all babies. Dress baby in a diaper and hat and nestle her upright on your bare chest, skin to skin. According to the Cleveland Clinic, kangaroo care has many benefits including decreased crying, improved bonding, and stabilizing baby’s heart rate.
· Read, Read, Read. Snuggle baby on your lap and start by reading picture books with just a few words. Older babies can help turn the pages of board books and before long they will be picking out their own favorites for you to read.
· Remain emotionally available. Although it’s tempting to take photos of your baby 24/7, it’s also important to put your phone down and be present in the moment. Look, listen, and talk to your baby, giving him the gift of your full attention.
· Get in the habit of saying “I love you”. Three little words can mean the world, especially when spoken by a parent. “Good Morning Sunshine, I love you.” “Have a good day at daycare. I love you.” “Sleep tight, I love you.” You get the idea…
· Talk and sing to your newborn – sounds silly, but language development begins immediately. Here’s a fun little ditty that’s perfect for Valentines’ Day, or really any day of the year!
“I love you
You love me
We’re a happy family
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you
Won’t you say you love me too!” ~ Barney & Friends theme song
I enjoy teaching new parents about attachment and other ways to get off to a good start. Feel free to email me if you’d like more information on 1:1 parent coaching. hello@bevgillen.com
References:
Clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/12578-kangaroo-care
Siegel, D. M.D. & Hartzell, M. M. Ed. (2014). Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raiser Children Who Thrive. Penguin Group.